Not much has happened since the last time I posted but nonetheless I thought I would give an update. We found out that Darein has either kidney stones or gall stones her urology surgeon believes according to an xray that she had done. Therefore, he wanted her to get another xray in two weeks and then if that comes back showing they are still there then he wants to order an abdominal ultrasound and go from there. Darein just went on Friday and I called and spoke with her pediatrician's office. They are still stating that there are densities still there and will send the films to Kansas City for the urologist to evaluate. We will have to wait at least until the end of this week, if not the beginning of the next week before getting answers saying that we need to proceed with the abdominal ultrasound. Darein has been sick about once a week for about 6 weeks now. Hoping they hurry up and get the necessary tests ordered so that they can get these stones taken care of if that is really what is going on with her. I am guessing that if that is really what is going on with her then she is doing incredibly well only being sick once a week as I would guess that kidney stones and/or gall stones typically make people extremely sick and in a tremendous amount of pain. I think that her steroids probably help mask some of this pain but this girl has some serious pain tolerance and always has too. Hoping they help her soon.
In the meantime, It has been two weeks since Darein went to St. Louis to get measured for her back brace. Anticipating getting a phone call sometime this week stating that we can make an appointment to go back to St. Louis and get her brace.
Me and Shane have also noticed that Darein's hearing isn't what it should be so I will try to find time this week to call her audiologist and set up an appointment for a hearing test so we can figure out if her hearing truly is worse. If it is, then she will see the ENT doctor in the same office and it will be determined if it is just wax build-up or if there is a possibility that the malleus bone prosthesis has fallen once again and surgery will be necessary to fix it.
I have spent our downtime from office visits doing research and paperwork and coming up with new ideas. I have had an appointment with the Division of Social Services to see about getting Darein some Medicaid that would help with out insurance. We make too much money but there is a program where you have a spend down amount that you pay for the month that you decide to use it. If you don't use it that month then you don't have to pay that amount. Unfortunately, our co-pay would be about $800 each month that we decided to use it so will only be able to use it when it is feasible to use. However, it is better than nothing. Lots of paperwork and documentation are needed to turn in and has taken quite a bit of time for me to gather. I have the paperwork finally done this evening and now just need to collect my documentation and make copies of everything. Hopefully, I can get it turned in by next week or the end of this week. I have also called and checked out a few other resources, had some that we don't qualify for and another one that I am waiting for paperwork in the mail so that I can work on completing that application process. I also heard from Darein's geneticist this week and he is willing to see Darein and get some blood work from her when she is in St. Louis next time so that we don't have to make an extra trip. He has offered to see her even if it isn't one of his regular clinic days! What an incredible physician and person this man is, we are so very fortunate to have him in our lives. He is working with the UK to continue their research on Darein as not much is known about her syndrome and they are learning most of what they know through her and a few rare others. Hopefully eventually one day there will be enough information out there about Antley-Bixler syndrome that other families will be helped. Knowledge is such a wonderful thing and I appreciate it more and more all the time as we continue to go through helping Darein so blindly.
As I have done all of this research and searching for organizations that are willing to help some with Darein's medical costs it is becoming increasingly aware to me that there are not any organizations out there that help within the guidelines that we need help with. Therefore, me and Darein have decided to put into action a thought that we have had for quite some time...we are going to try and start a foundation for kids with rare syndromes. I have talked with my sister and my best friend and they are going to join our team and help us with this endeavor. Me and Darein came up with a name and a logo and Darein designed it on the computer and has done a fantastic job. The other teammates are going to help set up the organization, help with legal advice and we are going to start organizing on paper and see if this is going to be something that we can pursue. I therefore will be working on this project in my spare time as well. We are getting very excited about it and have lots and lots of ideas. Unfortunately, we have to take care of the boring stuff first and get all of our ducks in a row before we can proceed but I am very grateful to have family and friends that are good at weeding through the boring stuff so that me and Darein can do more of the creative stuff :)It is nice to have a team that is working towards the same goal as me and Darein. We are hoping to be able to help children with rare syndromes with their medical bills. We have to set up guidelines but do not want financial income restrictions to be placed and instead want to be an organization that looks at the bigger picture and can help people find resources as well as be a resource to help them. Me and Darein are so excited at the vision that we see and can't wait to try and make it come true. Again, we need to figure out the details first to see if it is going to be something that is doable before we venture too much time and effort only to get to a huge roadblock so please be praying for us. I have been praying diligently about this as I know that no matter what a good hearted or great idea it is, it will never work unless it is part of God's plan for our lives so I just ask that you pray that God opens doors for us if this is what we are supposed to do and closes them rapidly if it is not in the cards for us.
In the meantime, I have called the University of Missouri and talked to them somewhat about different scholarships, etc. that Damein might receive for college but basically we just have to wait until we get his packet in the mail. We were given another scholarship site and so Damein will continue to fill out scholarships and we should receive our financial aid packet from the college in the next week or two and will have that to go through and work on. Damein did get us registered for summer orientation and approved for a couple of dates and so we look forward to visiting the campus again in June. He is scheduled to take the ACT one more time in another two weeks and so we are continuing to make progress on his college as well. We have finished Damein's senior pictures and now will pick out what we want and what picture to send in the announcements. I started filling out his announcements today and started going through the list of who to get them sent out to and just need to review and make sure I have addresses and then finish these by the end of the first week of April so that I can mail them out the next week. So much to do to finish his senior year and get him ready for his first year of college...Yikes!!!
I hope that everyone has a blessed week and I am super happy that baseball season is here and enjoying some free time watching my son play his last year of baseball!!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
A Day Trip To St. Louis
We started our trip to St. Louis yesterday morning bright and early, 5am. St. Louis is about a 4 hour trip from Springfield and Darein's appointment was at 9am. We were told we could be as late as about 9:30am but to try and be there no later than that. It started snowing about half way there, we ran into many wrecks and slow moving traffic due to the weather conditions. However, we managed to make it to the Children's Hospital shortly after 9:30am. I had paperwork that the orthopedic office e-mailed to me so that I could have it filled out prior to the appointment. There was approximately 10 pages and took about 3 hours to fill out. We took the paperwork and xrays to the appointment and waited to be called back. The doctor finally came in, looked at the xrays, asked questions and had me tell him about Darein's Antley-Bixler syndrome and what it was. He thinks that her scoliosis isn't your typical idiopathic adolescent scoliosis but instead stems from her syndrome and therefore is a little more difficult of a case. Her curves of 32 and 35 degrees is not enough to warrant surgery at this point. He will not perform surgery until it gets into the 50 degrees margin. Therefore, he has recommended that we brace her. There is a 50/50 chance that the brace will help to straighten her spine or at least keep it from getting worse. If we don't brace her then there is a 100% chance that her curves will get worse as she continues to grow. The brace will not help the top curve at all but we are hopeful that it will help or maintain the middle curve which is the curve that if it got too bad could affect her heart or lungs. The brace has to be worn approximately 20 hours a day and is worn under her clothes and covers the entire upper part of her body. We have agreed to go ahead and proceed with the brace at this time as long as the doctor will watch her very closely as I am still concerned that her scoliosis will grow progressively worse rather quickly. There was a doctor there that strictly works with the braces, measurements, etc. We saw him to get measurements so that they can order the cast to fit Darein. He explained that once the cast is ordered it will take approximately 3 - 4 weeks for the cast to come in and we will return to St. Louis to try the cast on, get it fitted and trimmed a little better and learn more about the brace and our responsibility in getting Darein to wear it the correct amount of time. He stated that she should not start out wearing it to school as she will grow uncomfortable with it at first and will want to take it off and on. Therefore, we will work up to the 20 hours that she will need to wear it. It is more helpful if she wears it when she is up and moving around than if she were to wear it at night sleeping. It is easy to clean as it can be wiped down with alcohol swabs or with soap and water as long as it isn't immersed in water. She cannot swim or bathe in it but otherwise can perform daily activities with no issues. Once she has it she will return to St. Louis again in 2 months for an xray to check the progression of her scoliosis and have the brace readjusted as it may become loose as it forms to her body and extra padding will need to be added. The orthopedic doctor wanted to do a hand xray or what we call a bone age to determine how much more growth she still has left. I assured him that her endocrinologist just did one in February and stated that she has about 2 more inches left to grow. He however wanted another one done for his records there and he said after the xray was done that she has at least a year of growth left. The growth is important as her scoliosis has the potential to get worse as long as she is growing. Once she has stopped growing her scoliosis curves should stabilize and will no longer get worse. As long as her curves are not in the 50's at the 2 month visit then the orthopedic doctor will follow her every 4 months in St. Louis and continue to check her closely. If she is not getting worse then he may extend it to visits every 6 months.
Overall, the visit went well though we are all a little apprehensive as to if this will work or not and if it is worth the expense and discomfort to only get started in the bracing process and find that her curves have significantly gotten worse and surgery will have to be the next step. Yet, we understand that we have to start somewhere and this seems to be the most reasonable place to start. Therefore, we will proceed with cautious optimism.
Overall, the visit went well though we are all a little apprehensive as to if this will work or not and if it is worth the expense and discomfort to only get started in the bracing process and find that her curves have significantly gotten worse and surgery will have to be the next step. Yet, we understand that we have to start somewhere and this seems to be the most reasonable place to start. Therefore, we will proceed with cautious optimism.
Monday, March 7, 2011
It's The American Way
I love our country, I really do but I find myself wondering what we are doing sometimes as nothing seems to make sense. I was in a wreck almost a month ago. I don't want to get into details as I am still dealing with the insurance company but is it so hard to take care of a person's expenses that they incurred as a result of a wreck that your client caused? Just cover my expenses and my vehicle and we can call it done. Why must there be so much aggravation over a few things that will end up costing the company more money in the long run versus if they just took care of what was right and just.
As if this wasn't enough for one's aggravation, I decided to try and file for disability for Darein. She is facing a $500,000 surgery on her spine, surgery on her jaw, nose and other medical expenses and eventually a person's insurance is going to cap out and nothing helps no matter how much you make. Darein was not able to be diagnosed until the age of 10. Therefore, trying to file for disability up to that point was not an option and trying to file after that was still difficult as she has such a rare syndrome and not much of a prognosis as far as what to expect. Therefore, we did the right and just thing by taking care of the bills and expenses ourselves and my husband worked hard, has good insurance and tries to provide for our family to the best of his ability. I am unable to work as I have had to quit to take care of Darein and help her through her many medical issues. So when it has come to a time when we need to have resources to turn to, you would think you could turn to disability. However, that is not the case. We were told today that my husband makes too much money and it doesn't matter how much the medical bills are we still make too much to qualify for those services. We need to go through the process though in order to get a denial letter prior to applying for further resources. So basically, if you don't work, sit on your butt and maybe even decide to consciously choose to be a single parent then you can get all kinds of services. However, if you go to work, try to make a decent living for your family while also trying to balance your children's needs then the government doesn't want to help those who are trying to help themselves. It is just so infuriating and therefore, I call it the American Way. So now it looks as though I get to spend my "free" time trying to round up resources that might help with my daughter's surgeries and medical bills as well as dealing with whatever goes on between me and the insurance company. I would just like to spend time trying to care for my kids. Darein has many medical issues and I want to focus on her and not on acquiring resources to help our family financially with our medical circumstances. I also have a son to concentrate on enjoying his senior year and helping him make the transition to college and taking care of all that that involves. It's too bad that there are so many people as well as companies always trying to get ahead instead of worrying about the common honest people.
After going through all that I have gone through this past week or two, I think I will end up spending the rest of my life lobbying to our Congressmen and Representatives trying to get equal rights for those children who have disabilities. I find it funny that if you are an adult and disabled, then you are granted disability no matter what the income is. However, if you are a child that is disabled then your parents are supposed to be responsible for the astronomical costs of medical care no matter how much you make. It seems as though those that don't work and try to work the system are granted things that should instead go towards hard working individuals who have no control over the circumstances of their disabled child. I am mad that I have to lower my standards in order to get the help that is rightly deserved to my child. I should be able to hold my high standards that working hard and providing for your family is of the utmost importance and will reap great rewards as a value that I teach my children and that they can look at and see great results from. However, it seems as though this day and age you have to lower your standards and figure out how to work the system in order to get rewarded and I am very concerned about the values that this is teaching my children. I will still continue to hold fast to my old fashioned values no matter the outcome but I am definitely concerned about the current and future nature of our United States of America. Makes me understand a little why China is now the new superpower. You would think that we would get a clue somewhere but instead we just seem to continue in the same footsteps as prior that continue to not work.
I am done now with that part of my story and ready to move on now that I have said my peace. I received a call today from Kansas City stating that there appears to be kidney or gall stones that showed up on Darein's xray. We will repeat an xray in two weeks and then if they are still there then we will proceed with an abdominal ultrasound and decide what needs to be done from there.
From here we press forward and sorry for the not so uplifting note today but I do get very frustrated with things that are socially acceptable this day and age. I will continue to hold fast to my values and do what I think is morally right for me and my family no matter the consequences.
As if this wasn't enough for one's aggravation, I decided to try and file for disability for Darein. She is facing a $500,000 surgery on her spine, surgery on her jaw, nose and other medical expenses and eventually a person's insurance is going to cap out and nothing helps no matter how much you make. Darein was not able to be diagnosed until the age of 10. Therefore, trying to file for disability up to that point was not an option and trying to file after that was still difficult as she has such a rare syndrome and not much of a prognosis as far as what to expect. Therefore, we did the right and just thing by taking care of the bills and expenses ourselves and my husband worked hard, has good insurance and tries to provide for our family to the best of his ability. I am unable to work as I have had to quit to take care of Darein and help her through her many medical issues. So when it has come to a time when we need to have resources to turn to, you would think you could turn to disability. However, that is not the case. We were told today that my husband makes too much money and it doesn't matter how much the medical bills are we still make too much to qualify for those services. We need to go through the process though in order to get a denial letter prior to applying for further resources. So basically, if you don't work, sit on your butt and maybe even decide to consciously choose to be a single parent then you can get all kinds of services. However, if you go to work, try to make a decent living for your family while also trying to balance your children's needs then the government doesn't want to help those who are trying to help themselves. It is just so infuriating and therefore, I call it the American Way. So now it looks as though I get to spend my "free" time trying to round up resources that might help with my daughter's surgeries and medical bills as well as dealing with whatever goes on between me and the insurance company. I would just like to spend time trying to care for my kids. Darein has many medical issues and I want to focus on her and not on acquiring resources to help our family financially with our medical circumstances. I also have a son to concentrate on enjoying his senior year and helping him make the transition to college and taking care of all that that involves. It's too bad that there are so many people as well as companies always trying to get ahead instead of worrying about the common honest people.
After going through all that I have gone through this past week or two, I think I will end up spending the rest of my life lobbying to our Congressmen and Representatives trying to get equal rights for those children who have disabilities. I find it funny that if you are an adult and disabled, then you are granted disability no matter what the income is. However, if you are a child that is disabled then your parents are supposed to be responsible for the astronomical costs of medical care no matter how much you make. It seems as though those that don't work and try to work the system are granted things that should instead go towards hard working individuals who have no control over the circumstances of their disabled child. I am mad that I have to lower my standards in order to get the help that is rightly deserved to my child. I should be able to hold my high standards that working hard and providing for your family is of the utmost importance and will reap great rewards as a value that I teach my children and that they can look at and see great results from. However, it seems as though this day and age you have to lower your standards and figure out how to work the system in order to get rewarded and I am very concerned about the values that this is teaching my children. I will still continue to hold fast to my old fashioned values no matter the outcome but I am definitely concerned about the current and future nature of our United States of America. Makes me understand a little why China is now the new superpower. You would think that we would get a clue somewhere but instead we just seem to continue in the same footsteps as prior that continue to not work.
I am done now with that part of my story and ready to move on now that I have said my peace. I received a call today from Kansas City stating that there appears to be kidney or gall stones that showed up on Darein's xray. We will repeat an xray in two weeks and then if they are still there then we will proceed with an abdominal ultrasound and decide what needs to be done from there.
From here we press forward and sorry for the not so uplifting note today but I do get very frustrated with things that are socially acceptable this day and age. I will continue to hold fast to my values and do what I think is morally right for me and my family no matter the consequences.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Trying To Figure Things Out
Well, as most of you that keep up with me on Facebook know by now Darein was not accepted to the Shriners Hospital in St. Louis. They do not have an ICU and the anesthesiologist and team of experts at that hospital felt that Darein had too many other medical issues to feel comfortable accepting her in case there were difficulties during or after surgery that would require extra care. The same surgeons do perform the surgery however at the Children's Hospital in St. Louis and therefore we were referred over there. However, when I called they told me that her curves by themselves were not significant enough for their doctors to see her but if I had her orthopedic doctor here in town send records they would review them and they might accept her based on how rapid her curves had progressed. I called to request these records be sent. However, the nurse was out that day and so I had to wait until yesterday before being able to speak with her. After speaking with the nurse here in town, she said that she would make a phone call to the doctor's office in St. Louis as sometimes they were more likely to accept patients if they spoke with the doctor's office and could get more information. Therefore, she will be making the phone call and faxing over records this week. In the meantime, she gave me more xrays to take with me when we go. I was concerned about the amount of time that we would have to wait prior to surgery being done and how it would affect her lungs. I was assured that we had time though she told me that this surgery would not totally correct Darein's curves in her spine. She said that they straighten it the best that they can with the rib bones and then place the rods to keep it from progressing. If they were to do surgery at the degrees of 32 and 35 that they are at now, they could probably get her spine pretty straight but she was unable to tell me if they would try to get it done now before it got worse or if they would want to wait until it got worse before proceeding. We will have to wait until we go for our consult appointment to find this out.
After finding this information out I looked the surgery up online and found that it can cost as must as $500,000.00 for this surgery and if it is performed in kids there is a good chance that the rods will need to be replaced as they tend to deteriorate over time. I will be checking that article against other articles in the days to come to verify the information that I read but sounds a little overwhelming as of now. According to the article I read it also said that she would be disabled once this surgery was performed. I'm guessing its because she will always have back pain from here on out.
With the expense of this surgery, the possibility of having to replace the rods later on, braces on her teeth, jaw surgery and nose surgery as well as possible kidney/bladder surgery we feel as though we have taken care of her medical bills the best that we could up to this point and are ready to start figuring out what resources might be available to us. I called the disability office today but most likely she will not qualify as we make too much money. However, it is important for us to go ahead through the process as there is a slight chance they might approve her anyways based on the severity of her disability and if not then I was told that sometimes in order to qualify for other resources a denial letter is required from the disability department. Therefore, we will pursue this avenue and see where it leads us. I was also given the names of a few other organizations that we are pursuing as well. It is very frustrating that she did not qualify at birth for disability due to the fact that we had no diagnosis and therefore no prognosis for how well she would do. Then once she was diagnosed at the age of 10, still not likely she would be accepted as the condition was so rare and so little was known and therefore unable to decide if it would keep her from being able to hold a job later in life or not. Now, that she might qualify as we know a little more about the syndrome and now that she has scoliosis which is debilitating she most likely still won't qualify because we make too much. This kind of thing makes it very frustrating trying to get help knowing that we are trying to make a good income for our family and take care of our kids the best that we can but yet there are people out there who have chosen just not to work and to let the government take care of them and they qualify for all kinds of services. So now, as if worrying about your sick kid isn't enough we get to jump through hoops and fill out paperwork in our "spare" time to try to get some relief from past medical bills as well as future higher cost medical bills.
I try to make some sort of a positive note on my blogs so for my positive note today I just have to say that I have the most incredible friends and family imaginable. I would not be able to get through all that I have without God, of course nor my family and friends! My sister has offered to hold a fundraiser for Darein. We have asked her to wait until we go for the consult so that we have a good understanding of what the plan will be before deciding to let her proceed. I also have received many phone calls from family and friends over the past few days offering support, knowledge and someone to talk to. I had to tell Darein tonight that there was a good chance that she would miss out on her Blume Acteens trip to Florida this summer that she was looking forward to as well as a mission trip to St. Louis with her youth group. She was devastated as she really wanted to participate in these events and has never rode on a plane and wanted to ride on a plane this summer. We promised her that when she was able we would take her on a trip and let her ride on a plane :) She seemed to be feeling a little better after that but is starting to understand the magnitude of what is about to happen and how it might limit her. She wants to be a Vet Tech when she graduates and so I talked to her about the fact that she can still try to achieve that but may just have to work part time or do volunteer work as she is able so that she gets to still do something that she loves and yet still take care of herself. She also loves to do art work and paint so we talked about the fact that she will be able to do that in her spare time as well. She will continue to work towards her goals in life and we will continue to support and help her reach her goals but with limitations and guidelines that will work for her. Her sleep study did come back normal in the preliminary results and so that is one hurdle that we have overcome through everything else. We will still continue to push forward and work everyday towards accomplishing goals whether it is catching up on rest, getting the house cleaned and organized so that I can focus on caring for her after her surgery, filling out paperwork, attending appointments or whatever else may come up. I did call her urologist's office today to check on the results of her xray we had done a few weeks ago and the nurse was out so I will hear something tomorrow or next week as to where we are at on that issue.
For every few steps we take forward it seems as though we take even more back. However, with all of the steps back it allows us to learn more than if we only move forward and therefore I am as grateful for the steps back as I am for the steps forward and will continue to hold fast to the fact that God will deliver us and see us through each trial and we will continue to come out with a stronger character than we started with.
After finding this information out I looked the surgery up online and found that it can cost as must as $500,000.00 for this surgery and if it is performed in kids there is a good chance that the rods will need to be replaced as they tend to deteriorate over time. I will be checking that article against other articles in the days to come to verify the information that I read but sounds a little overwhelming as of now. According to the article I read it also said that she would be disabled once this surgery was performed. I'm guessing its because she will always have back pain from here on out.
With the expense of this surgery, the possibility of having to replace the rods later on, braces on her teeth, jaw surgery and nose surgery as well as possible kidney/bladder surgery we feel as though we have taken care of her medical bills the best that we could up to this point and are ready to start figuring out what resources might be available to us. I called the disability office today but most likely she will not qualify as we make too much money. However, it is important for us to go ahead through the process as there is a slight chance they might approve her anyways based on the severity of her disability and if not then I was told that sometimes in order to qualify for other resources a denial letter is required from the disability department. Therefore, we will pursue this avenue and see where it leads us. I was also given the names of a few other organizations that we are pursuing as well. It is very frustrating that she did not qualify at birth for disability due to the fact that we had no diagnosis and therefore no prognosis for how well she would do. Then once she was diagnosed at the age of 10, still not likely she would be accepted as the condition was so rare and so little was known and therefore unable to decide if it would keep her from being able to hold a job later in life or not. Now, that she might qualify as we know a little more about the syndrome and now that she has scoliosis which is debilitating she most likely still won't qualify because we make too much. This kind of thing makes it very frustrating trying to get help knowing that we are trying to make a good income for our family and take care of our kids the best that we can but yet there are people out there who have chosen just not to work and to let the government take care of them and they qualify for all kinds of services. So now, as if worrying about your sick kid isn't enough we get to jump through hoops and fill out paperwork in our "spare" time to try to get some relief from past medical bills as well as future higher cost medical bills.
I try to make some sort of a positive note on my blogs so for my positive note today I just have to say that I have the most incredible friends and family imaginable. I would not be able to get through all that I have without God, of course nor my family and friends! My sister has offered to hold a fundraiser for Darein. We have asked her to wait until we go for the consult so that we have a good understanding of what the plan will be before deciding to let her proceed. I also have received many phone calls from family and friends over the past few days offering support, knowledge and someone to talk to. I had to tell Darein tonight that there was a good chance that she would miss out on her Blume Acteens trip to Florida this summer that she was looking forward to as well as a mission trip to St. Louis with her youth group. She was devastated as she really wanted to participate in these events and has never rode on a plane and wanted to ride on a plane this summer. We promised her that when she was able we would take her on a trip and let her ride on a plane :) She seemed to be feeling a little better after that but is starting to understand the magnitude of what is about to happen and how it might limit her. She wants to be a Vet Tech when she graduates and so I talked to her about the fact that she can still try to achieve that but may just have to work part time or do volunteer work as she is able so that she gets to still do something that she loves and yet still take care of herself. She also loves to do art work and paint so we talked about the fact that she will be able to do that in her spare time as well. She will continue to work towards her goals in life and we will continue to support and help her reach her goals but with limitations and guidelines that will work for her. Her sleep study did come back normal in the preliminary results and so that is one hurdle that we have overcome through everything else. We will still continue to push forward and work everyday towards accomplishing goals whether it is catching up on rest, getting the house cleaned and organized so that I can focus on caring for her after her surgery, filling out paperwork, attending appointments or whatever else may come up. I did call her urologist's office today to check on the results of her xray we had done a few weeks ago and the nurse was out so I will hear something tomorrow or next week as to where we are at on that issue.
For every few steps we take forward it seems as though we take even more back. However, with all of the steps back it allows us to learn more than if we only move forward and therefore I am as grateful for the steps back as I am for the steps forward and will continue to hold fast to the fact that God will deliver us and see us through each trial and we will continue to come out with a stronger character than we started with.
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